Time Stream #13 - The Web Planet

          I’ve started and re-started this entry about 4 times at this point. “The Web Planet” is that kind of a story. My thoughts before watching it were based more on its reputation than anything else, as I had not seen it in ages.  It was one of those DVD’s that still had the shrink-wrap on it, so the last time I had watched it was in the good ol’ VHS days. I expected to chuckle at the costumes and pretty much write it off. I just can’t though, and not necessarily for good reasons, but for a multitude of tangled up thoughts that I’ll try to straighten out as I write.

           The story starts out really quite promisingly – the TARDIS is forced to land on a mysterious planet, Vicki is able to hear some strange sounds that the others cannot, and the Doctor and Ian go outside to investigate. There is a fair amount of pseudo-science on display here with “atmospheric density jackets” to help them breathe, the ever popular pool of acid, and for some reason people think giving Vicki an aspirin will make her sleep. The Doctor is really enjoying himself here, giggling non-stop and making light of the destruction of Ian’s Coal Hill School tie in the acid pool. Design-wise, the use of echoes as part of the soundscape is quite effective (and doesn’t sound like an echoing studio either), and the special lenses, as well as the possible smear of Vaseline, help add to the unworldly, alien surface of Vortis.

          If only it had stopped after the first episode. I was willing to give a LOT of leeway in terms of costume design, the Menoptra voices, even the Zarbi themselves. But the story seemed to flounder almost immediately and simply became hard to watch. I’ll continue to say it, I love this show and love when it pushes boundaries. I respect “The Web Planet” for trying, but I just can’t like it. It’s de rigueur to dump on the story, and I don’t want to do it, but there was so much more that I disliked about it than liked. A few moments:

1) Yes, a Zarbi walks right into the camera. Unlike the Star Wars Stormtrooper bumping into a door, this one is hard to miss – it’s Camera 1, front and center.  All that’s missing is a cartoon “BOING” noise when he bounces off.

2) EVERY SCENE WITH THE OPTERA. Oh Lord, they were horrible. Poorly designed, abominably acted. They were a last minute addition to the script and it shows. Whenever they were onscreen I needed to look away.

3) Speaking of the script… Look, the troubles with making Doctor Who in the sixties is well documented. If you’re a fan of the Classic Series (otherwise why would you read my little rambles, eh?) you probably know this. If you’re relatively new to older Doctor Who, suffice to say that there were always short of money, time, and just about everything else back in the day. Early in season one, a story fell through which brought us the fantastic “Edge of Destruction”. “The Web Planet” had no call to be six episodes. Four would have been tolerable and probably would have done the show a world of good. Those extra two episodes could have been another side-step standalone story. This, I think, is one of the biggest problems with the story in a nutshell – it’s too long and is paced far too slowly. There were moments that I chuckled, but it was “at” and not “with”. I don’t like laughing “at” my favorite show.

          This entry was the hardest Time Stream for me to write so far. I’m still of the opinion that “Keys of Marinus” is as bad as the show has gotten, but even that didn’t disappoint me the way “The Web Planet” did. I just didn’t want to watch it before I was even halfway through. Thanks for trying Production Team, but “The Web Planet” just doesn’t work.

NEXT EPISODE: The Crusade

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