Letting Things Go

Wow, so that was an unexpected hiatus. Reasons? I could give several – end of year craziness, the election, indolence. There are tons of them. My depression and anxiety kicked in for a long stretch which kept me from doing just about anything, including writing and maintaining this site. Then as time wore on, it became one of those things where my (incredibly vocal) inner critic flat out stopped me from even attempting to do those things that I enjoyed. I wasn’t curled up in a fetal position in a darkened room, but I was ridiculously under-inspired, under-motivated, and just struggling, to be frank. This blog was and is a creative outlet for me that I don’t really get anywhere else, and once all that self-doubt came creeping in? Forget it, man. I was in a mental rut, that got deeper every day.

Here’s where the title of this entry comes in. I regret having let this site go for so long. It’s something I enjoyed, and will continue to enjoy. It wasn’t the writing that prevented me from adding entries, it was my own mental paralysis. But I realized that if I was going to do ANYTHING ever again, especially something I like doing, I need to just Let Things Go. Not in a frivolous way, not in a neglectful way, but more of a mental and psychological unclenching of teeth. A physical one too, some days.

This site, my own mental and physical self-care, and a host of other things I just… let go. What I couldn’t let go of were those things, mostly imagined or self-created, that reared their heads whenever I even considered doing something that would benefit me. What changed then? I honestly don’t know. I got up off my ass and sat down at the computer and just started writing this entry, so if it’s a bit rambling, well that’s my stream of consciousness talking. As I’ve been writing, I’ve been thinking of those things that were holding me down. I just have to Let Them Go. It’s not easy. Anxiety and depression are two nasty SOB’s and they fight back. But I’m a middle-aged man who still has things he wants to accomplish. I had some health problems the beginning of May, and while it took the wind out of my sails physically, mentally I was kind of rallying. I got more contemplative and thoughtful about stuff I want to do. Not even bucket list, big ticket items but just normal everyday goals. Then I came back, and here I am.

If I have any readers left, I thank you for somehow keeping me on your radar. I intend to get back to my Doctor Who rewatch challenge with the continuation of Time Stream. Slice of life, daily living, and just “I feel like writing today” entries will be back too. I’m not going to try to summarize everything that’s happened between November and now, it’s too insane to even contemplate. The American government alone would take me forever to expound upon! No, I’m starting up after the great hiatus and beginning with a blank slate. This is my reboot. Thanks for sticking around.